Badger, Queen of Toast (shadoequin) wrote in fitformdrf,
Badger, Queen of Toast

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lucky thirteen

I just realized that it's been about thirteen years since I was at what I consider my best weight and healthiest shape. How apropos!

Here is my twenty-something self, in a LARP (I'm not ashamed) - on the docks at Fort Howard. No, I'm not the cute Korean girl in the catsuit (sorry, folks); I'm the one in green that is glowering at the camera. I know the clothing is loose as all heck, but I can tell the difference between then and now.

This morning I stepped on the scale and realized my weight has gone up 5 pounds since Monday. Most of the week I did really well, by my standards, with only a few slips. However, this morning's weigh-in made it very clear that, at 33, if I want to lose weight, then "by my standards" and "a few slips" just won't cut it anymore. I'm not going to lie. I am frustrated as all heck by this. In the past, I would have gotten so demoralized by the "number jump" that I would have given up and had a vending-machine pastry for breakfast.

Not today.

Today, I realized that I want to change my weight. I want to be healthier. And the only way to do that is to do the things that I know work.

What doesn't work? Excuses for why I can't be bothered to exercise today. Deciding "it won't hurt" to have "just this one treat". Guessing about how much I ate, and how healthy it was.

What does work? Exercising, whether I feel like it or not. Writing down what I eat. Tracking Points. Drinking water.

So I've decided I need to get back on the Weight Watchers program. After many years of dieting, though, and especially in the past year, I've discovered a few other personal things that help me, and what hurts me personally.

I can't do Slim-Fast - I'm slightly hypoglycemic, and sugar-crash like nobody's business on these things. For the same amount of Points, I have a Luna bar, which does wonders for getting me through until lunchtime.

I can get away with having a (comparatively) large (but still reasonable and diet-friendly) breakfast or lunch if my other two meals are light. The one thing I absolutely cannot get away with is a large dinner. I can only lose weight if I am having salad (or cereal) for dinner most nights of the week.

I cannot have Chinese food or sushi for dinner. That's a guaranteed 3-lb weight gain in the morning, and it takes forever for me to get that back off.

For the past year, I've been stuck in the 200s. It's been insanely frustrating. Whatever diet I do, I can't seem to get down below 205. This weekend I weighed in at 202.5. On Monday morning (without any provocation) I was 205.5. Now this morning I was 210.5. It is unbelievably frustrating. Every time those numbers slip down far enough that I think the 190s are within my reach, they climb right back up again the next day, no matter what I do. I really can't convey how much of a mental block this has become for me, or the level of frustration I have reached.

What I'm going to do now is begin one month in which I will be absolutely rigorous in my method. I will track every bite I eat. I will count points. I will exercise, and log every step. At the end of that month - let's say from 6/13 (today) until 7/13 - if I have not broken past that 205 barrier, then I will call my doctor* and talk to her about possible solutions.

*I should note that she's run complete bloodwork on me twice, and found nothing to indicate a problem.
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